Thankful

Four years go by so fast. I never realized how fast a year comes and goes, but when you put a year in the context of acquiring higher education, years become marked by huge pillars. Today, four solid pillars stand behind me, and I have no idea of what lies ahead. I don't know why I feel so unaccomplished when I have worked for four years to accomplish what I now possess, a degree. Sometimes I wonder if I want too much out of life, out of myself, out of others, but I can't help but to have high expectations for everything, for everyone. I feel selfish for wanting more when I already have so much. I can't rationalize why I have so much, and this bothers me. Do I really deserve all that I have? I'm a good person, don't get me wrong, but I feel excessively blessed. Has anyone ever felt this way, suspicious of your blessings? I feel set up for heart ache, for disappoint, for desolation, and then I feel guilty for thinking this way. Is my circular way of thinking my attempt to try and outsmart God, as if I could anticipate and play him before he plays me? The truth is that I have never been in need of anything because I have everything. I have everything that money can buy ( okay, so maybe I don't have the gucci purse or the prada shoes, but I'm surrounded by nice things), more importantly, however, I have everything money CAN'T buy. I have wonderful parents, and by wonderful I mean absoultely A-mazing. Oh, and I have a cute, little 86 year old grandma who wants to cook me everything imaginable and I adore her. My friends are truly unique individuals that I would not be able to survive without and the list of blessings continue. I guess all I can do is try to bless others with the blessings I've been given.